Have you ever been both scared and excited at the same time? Have you ever imagined yourself succeeding and failing; pictured your boss' expression when both proud of and disappointed in you?
It is this terrible frenzy of emotions that is taking over my thoughts at the moment. The semester is over and turned out fine (except for that class I have to retake), and I got rave reviews from all of the people that I worked with on my last internship. Not to mention, on May 4, I was offered, and accepted, the Programming Internship in our Office of Student Involvement.
Excitement. Terror. The thought that I can do it. The thought that I can't. The unfulfillable desire to ask why; why did you hire me? Why did you hire me? Why did you hire me, knowing everything that you do?
I pestered and pestered to start my job. Part of it was because I was excited. I am excited. But part of it was also because I knew that the longer I had to wait, the more I would convince myself that I was going to screw up; that I was going to do something wrong or be unable to fulfill the duties of a position that I have coveted for months.
My boss has been out of town for the last week, which has pushed my start back further than what we discussed in the interview. That's fine, I would much rather her be in town when I start. I think.
Tuesday is the day. I will be sitting down with the two other interns and our boss to talk about the Office of Student Involvement, what we will each be working on, how we will work together; the big picture. And then I will be starting, most likely the next day. I have already sat down with my boss and the previous intern. I know what the job requires. Now it's just a matter of determining whether or not I know what the hell I'm doing.
I've never been this scared to start something. Or this excited.
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