I am terrible at keeping up on this blog. It is probably largely because I don't think anyone reads it, but that's not why I started it, so that isn't why I should avoid updating it. As a writer, I need to keep working on my words and sentences, whether or not anyone reads it.
My internship is still as wonderful as it was when I first started. I feel like I learn something every day, and I know that is only going to become more true as the year goes on. My boss, mentor, whatever you want to call her, is pregnant, and will be taking her leave just as the biggest month of the school year hits us (March). I'm going to be in charge of more than I was anticipating, and while I was definitely nervous about it at first, I know that I can handle it by the time March rolls around. It is honestly just a matter of making sure that I'm organized.
I need to get on that organization now, though. School starts in two weeks. At some point in the next month Audrey and I will hopefully be moving in to an apartment. (One that we still have to find, but that is sort of beyond the point.) I have a lot of things on my plate this semester, and next, and I better be organized or I'm in danger of falling on my face. And as much as I would like to tell myself that it won't happen, because I can handle it, I better be prepared for all scenarios.
Transfer Orientation #1 is this week, and Freshmen Orientation and Transfer Orientation #2 are next week, and I can't wait. I'm so excited to have our new students on campus!
I might be nervous and scared about this year still, but I am also extremely excited for it. I have a feeling that it is going to change my life.
Oh! Remember that one student that came in to our office on the first day of Advising/Registration? She is now a student senator! People that get involved that immediately are such studs.
8.08.2010
7.28.2010
imperfectly worth it.
Nothing is perfect. The girl that had the perfect fiance and got a job right out of college can no longer get up in the morning. His addictions are back, her pregnancy was earlier than planned; their parents are getting divorced. A best friend and an uncle die in the same month - both deaths by suicide. A brother gets cancer, a sister gets kicked out of the house; a student loan falls through. Nothing is perfect.
But everything is worth it. Amaretto Sours and Gin & Tonics, telling secrets; smoking cigarettes. Whispered sarcasm, pregnancy jokes; overwhelming baby stores. Solid memories, tears drowned in worn and soft sweatshirts; relationships that change lives. Drinking too much, sleeping too little; living too hard. Everything is worth it.
---
For a long time, I couldn't remember what happy felt like. Was it when you laughed? When the tears finally stopped? When you managed a fake smile? For years I pretended. I pretended that I was okay, that I found things funny; that I knew how to smile. I hated laughter because it felt fake. I tried to find things to numb a pain I didn't understand.
Then one day a redhead hugged me. A brunette cared when I was sad. A boy danced around in bare feet. People wanted to be my friend - to see me smile, hear me laugh. Help me succeed and watch me surpass their expectations. The grass got greener; the flowers more yellow - everything lost its grey tint.
Coffee tasted good. Country music made me smile. I could get out of bed in the morning.
I always assumed that I was the way that I was because I wasn't strong enough to fix myself. And then the people walked in to my life that were supposed to be there - the ones that taught me that I was strong enough, and that I didn't have to do everything alone. The redhead. The brunette. The barefooted boy. The curly-haired best friend.
It remains that nothing is perfect. But all of a sudden every imperfection, every tear and ache of sadness is devastatingly worth it.
But everything is worth it. Amaretto Sours and Gin & Tonics, telling secrets; smoking cigarettes. Whispered sarcasm, pregnancy jokes; overwhelming baby stores. Solid memories, tears drowned in worn and soft sweatshirts; relationships that change lives. Drinking too much, sleeping too little; living too hard. Everything is worth it.
---
For a long time, I couldn't remember what happy felt like. Was it when you laughed? When the tears finally stopped? When you managed a fake smile? For years I pretended. I pretended that I was okay, that I found things funny; that I knew how to smile. I hated laughter because it felt fake. I tried to find things to numb a pain I didn't understand.
Then one day a redhead hugged me. A brunette cared when I was sad. A boy danced around in bare feet. People wanted to be my friend - to see me smile, hear me laugh. Help me succeed and watch me surpass their expectations. The grass got greener; the flowers more yellow - everything lost its grey tint.
Coffee tasted good. Country music made me smile. I could get out of bed in the morning.
I always assumed that I was the way that I was because I wasn't strong enough to fix myself. And then the people walked in to my life that were supposed to be there - the ones that taught me that I was strong enough, and that I didn't have to do everything alone. The redhead. The brunette. The barefooted boy. The curly-haired best friend.
It remains that nothing is perfect. But all of a sudden every imperfection, every tear and ache of sadness is devastatingly worth it.
7.03.2010
celebrating women in music.
Thursday night, while I was in some training for work, I got several calls and text messages from my mother and sister, which I didn't get until well after I was out of training. They had access to some extra tickets to Lilith Fair at the Ampitheater, and wanted to know if I wanted them.
Uh yeah, I wanted them and, thankfully, I ended up with them. Audrey and I left work around 1:30 yesterday, drove the 10 minutes to the Ampitheater and joined thousands of other Portland/Vancouver natives for a music festival celebrating women - one that hasn't toured since 1999.
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals was definitely one of my favorite opening acts, and being able to wander the booths and gather free things was fun as well (I won a yoga mat!), but things got amazing once the "bigger names" started. Colbie Caillat and Erykah Badu were both gorgeous singers.
I have to tell you, though, my favorite part of the evening was when Sheryl Crow played, followed immediately by Sugarland. Sheryl Crow completely rocked it, and I couldn't believe I was seeing her in concert. SO COOL.
Audrey and I managed to move several rows up for Sugarland, and I stood the entire time, singing every song. Audrey hadn't ever heard them, but loved them by the end of their set, and I wish they had been able to play longer. I didn't want it to end. Ever.
Sarah McLachlan played last, and was gorgeous, but we left early to beat the traffic out of there. Audrey had to head home to Oak Harbor after the concert, so when we rolled up to my house around 11, she was itching to get on the road. She would have gotten on the road faster, but when I was coming around the second to last corner you turn before getting to my house, I ran the stop sign. There was no one around, and I nearly pulled a California stop, but instead just rolled right through it. Just as I was doing it, another car came down the hill, but I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think anything of it until I had pulled up next to the house, turned off the car, and another vehicle pulled up behind us and turned on their lights. That car coming down the hill? Was a cop.
Thankfully, he was really nice. He didn't give me a ticket, which he should have since I completely skipped the stop sign, and admitted it. He also probably should have given me a ticket since I was driving Audrey's car and she couldn't find her insurance card. And the address on my license is not the same as the address where I live - I just haven't changed it yet. But, Dad came out to the driveway to see what was going on, and I was really nice and apologetic, and I've never been pulled over or anything before, so he completely gave me a break. No warning, nothing. Thank god.
The day was eventful, to say the least. I loved every second of it. Well, maybe not the cop part.
Edit: I can't believe I forgot this! While standing in line at one of the booths (the same one where I won the yoga mat, actually), the woman behind Audrey and I pointed at Audrey's starbucks cup (one of those new plastic ones for iced drinks), which has a sticker from our campus on it. Our university's environmental slogan: "Be Crimson. Go Green." Audrey sat on the Environmental Task Force on our campus last year, but beyond that it is one of mine and Audrey's favorite things about being Cougars. The slogan has so much oomph to it - we hand out the stickers as much as possible.
So this woman, she points it out to her friends and smiles. We figure they're alumni and they really like it, but then she says, "We helped create that slogan."
WHAT. Audrey and I both freak out (mine was a little more inwardly, Audrey's quite visible) and start to talk madly. Audrey recounts handing them out while she was in Albany last semester, I tell them that we each have piles and piles of the stickers - we put them on all of our new notebooks and are proud to be Cougs partially because of the slogan. They are thrilled, particularly that Audrey used the sticker to cover up the Starbucks logo ("Because 'Be Crimson. Go Green.' is far more important than 'Starbucks'." Audrey tells them.) and are still standing with Audrey and talking to her about it when I win the yoga mat. They were kind, funny - I wish I had asked if they were alumni (I assume that they are, but they might not be) or how they got involved with the project, but I didn't. We walked away, still freaking out about meeting them (okay, truth - I was more focused on the yoga mat), and stopped halfway to where we were going so that I could text Michelle about them ("Are they as cool as the slogan!?!" "Cooler!"). It was definitely one of the highlights, and yet another moment that makes me proud to be a Coug.
Uh yeah, I wanted them and, thankfully, I ended up with them. Audrey and I left work around 1:30 yesterday, drove the 10 minutes to the Ampitheater and joined thousands of other Portland/Vancouver natives for a music festival celebrating women - one that hasn't toured since 1999.
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals was definitely one of my favorite opening acts, and being able to wander the booths and gather free things was fun as well (I won a yoga mat!), but things got amazing once the "bigger names" started. Colbie Caillat and Erykah Badu were both gorgeous singers.
I have to tell you, though, my favorite part of the evening was when Sheryl Crow played, followed immediately by Sugarland. Sheryl Crow completely rocked it, and I couldn't believe I was seeing her in concert. SO COOL.
Audrey and I managed to move several rows up for Sugarland, and I stood the entire time, singing every song. Audrey hadn't ever heard them, but loved them by the end of their set, and I wish they had been able to play longer. I didn't want it to end. Ever.
Sarah McLachlan played last, and was gorgeous, but we left early to beat the traffic out of there. Audrey had to head home to Oak Harbor after the concert, so when we rolled up to my house around 11, she was itching to get on the road. She would have gotten on the road faster, but when I was coming around the second to last corner you turn before getting to my house, I ran the stop sign. There was no one around, and I nearly pulled a California stop, but instead just rolled right through it. Just as I was doing it, another car came down the hill, but I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think anything of it until I had pulled up next to the house, turned off the car, and another vehicle pulled up behind us and turned on their lights. That car coming down the hill? Was a cop.
Thankfully, he was really nice. He didn't give me a ticket, which he should have since I completely skipped the stop sign, and admitted it. He also probably should have given me a ticket since I was driving Audrey's car and she couldn't find her insurance card. And the address on my license is not the same as the address where I live - I just haven't changed it yet. But, Dad came out to the driveway to see what was going on, and I was really nice and apologetic, and I've never been pulled over or anything before, so he completely gave me a break. No warning, nothing. Thank god.
The day was eventful, to say the least. I loved every second of it. Well, maybe not the cop part.
Edit: I can't believe I forgot this! While standing in line at one of the booths (the same one where I won the yoga mat, actually), the woman behind Audrey and I pointed at Audrey's starbucks cup (one of those new plastic ones for iced drinks), which has a sticker from our campus on it. Our university's environmental slogan: "Be Crimson. Go Green." Audrey sat on the Environmental Task Force on our campus last year, but beyond that it is one of mine and Audrey's favorite things about being Cougars. The slogan has so much oomph to it - we hand out the stickers as much as possible.
So this woman, she points it out to her friends and smiles. We figure they're alumni and they really like it, but then she says, "We helped create that slogan."
WHAT. Audrey and I both freak out (mine was a little more inwardly, Audrey's quite visible) and start to talk madly. Audrey recounts handing them out while she was in Albany last semester, I tell them that we each have piles and piles of the stickers - we put them on all of our new notebooks and are proud to be Cougs partially because of the slogan. They are thrilled, particularly that Audrey used the sticker to cover up the Starbucks logo ("Because 'Be Crimson. Go Green.' is far more important than 'Starbucks'." Audrey tells them.) and are still standing with Audrey and talking to her about it when I win the yoga mat. They were kind, funny - I wish I had asked if they were alumni (I assume that they are, but they might not be) or how they got involved with the project, but I didn't. We walked away, still freaking out about meeting them (okay, truth - I was more focused on the yoga mat), and stopped halfway to where we were going so that I could text Michelle about them ("Are they as cool as the slogan!?!" "Cooler!"). It was definitely one of the highlights, and yet another moment that makes me proud to be a Coug.
6.25.2010
can we talk about how much i love orientation?
Let's.
Understand, I'm no Ambassador, no orientation leader that leads soon-to-be freshmen from session to session, playing ice breaker games and entertaining them. I'm certainly no session leader, who gets the students (or their parents) engaged enough to be excited about school in the fall. My role is almost entirely behind the scenes, and the only people I meet (or at least met today, at our first Advising/Registration session) were parents and the one student who was so excited about involvement that she came in to the office even though it wasn't on their schedule, but I love orientation.
I love it.
I love everything from stuffing folders to printing name tags to putting together signs for the Ambassadors. I love running errands, setting up lunch, sitting down in the office for five minutes just to jump up and run across campus, and I really, really love tabling. I love tabling so much.
"Hi! How was your tour?....Oh, I'm so glad. Well, we are the Office of Student Involvement, and we house all kinds of things. There are over 45 clubs on campus, and we work largely with them, but also do a lot of leadership programming and put on some great events. Plus, our recreation department is housed within our office, and they have intramural sports, all kinds of trips, and even run the fitness center, which is currently being remodeled but will be open in the fall."
AHH. I have never loved anything so much as I love tabling. I have tabled a lot, especially while I worked for ONE, but also while I was with our student government, and it just keeps getting better. You make that connection ("Oh, your student likes paintball? Our rec office does a paintball trip every year, and if he can find four other students and an advisor, he could start a paintball club.") and just chat with them. Most people will take something if you connect, and while I prefer to talk to students, parents are just as fun.
I felt so accomplished today. And I don't even know where my day went, which is a great feeling when it is because you have been doing so much. This whole week has been absolutely amazing. Busy, nerve-wracking, but amazing. I can't wait for the next Advising/Registration session, and I really can't wait for Orientation in August.
This entire internship is so perfect for me. I love every. single. second. I love my relationship with my boss, with the intern that I share a desk with, with the other staff in the office. I love what I am getting to do; the meetings that I get to be part of, the events that I am going to be putting on. I am on such a high from orientation today - is this what it is going to be like all year? God, I hope so.
Understand, I'm no Ambassador, no orientation leader that leads soon-to-be freshmen from session to session, playing ice breaker games and entertaining them. I'm certainly no session leader, who gets the students (or their parents) engaged enough to be excited about school in the fall. My role is almost entirely behind the scenes, and the only people I meet (or at least met today, at our first Advising/Registration session) were parents and the one student who was so excited about involvement that she came in to the office even though it wasn't on their schedule, but I love orientation.
I love it.
I love everything from stuffing folders to printing name tags to putting together signs for the Ambassadors. I love running errands, setting up lunch, sitting down in the office for five minutes just to jump up and run across campus, and I really, really love tabling. I love tabling so much.
"Hi! How was your tour?....Oh, I'm so glad. Well, we are the Office of Student Involvement, and we house all kinds of things. There are over 45 clubs on campus, and we work largely with them, but also do a lot of leadership programming and put on some great events. Plus, our recreation department is housed within our office, and they have intramural sports, all kinds of trips, and even run the fitness center, which is currently being remodeled but will be open in the fall."
AHH. I have never loved anything so much as I love tabling. I have tabled a lot, especially while I worked for ONE, but also while I was with our student government, and it just keeps getting better. You make that connection ("Oh, your student likes paintball? Our rec office does a paintball trip every year, and if he can find four other students and an advisor, he could start a paintball club.") and just chat with them. Most people will take something if you connect, and while I prefer to talk to students, parents are just as fun.
I felt so accomplished today. And I don't even know where my day went, which is a great feeling when it is because you have been doing so much. This whole week has been absolutely amazing. Busy, nerve-wracking, but amazing. I can't wait for the next Advising/Registration session, and I really can't wait for Orientation in August.
This entire internship is so perfect for me. I love every. single. second. I love my relationship with my boss, with the intern that I share a desk with, with the other staff in the office. I love what I am getting to do; the meetings that I get to be part of, the events that I am going to be putting on. I am on such a high from orientation today - is this what it is going to be like all year? God, I hope so.
6.19.2010
amazing.
It has been just over a week since I started my job, and I am SO IN LOVE. (Also it feels like I have been in this position forever. Has it really only been a week?)
I spent a large portion of that first week being really quiet; absorbing everything. The last three days, while hectic, have been probably the best so far.
Wednesday was my first one-on-one with my boss. I already love Michelle a lot, so I'm thrilled with the opportunity to be working for her. It was fun for me to be able to go through all of the things that I have been working on and hear "great," followed by advice on how to proceed. So far I think I'm doing good, but you would have to ask her I guess.
Thursday we were supposed to be in a meeting, but it unexpectedly got cancelled, so Michelle, our program coordinator, Rachel, and I colored for thirty minutes.
...Yeah, you totally read that correctly. I'm one of the founding members of the Coloring Club on our campus, so we already had all of the supplies, and the three of us sat down in the conference room and colored large Disney coloring pages and talked about ridiculous things. While the rest of the day was pretty low-key, I was pretty thrilled by that portion of my day.
Yesterday I finished a couple of projects, and then Rachel and I went to the end of the year party for the Garden Club on campus. Pizza, soda, cake, and plenty of flowers. I won the raffle for one of the hanging plants, but couldn't take it home on the bus, so gave it to Rachel. She picked out some gorgeous yellow flowers...I have no idea what they were, but they were pretty. And I snagged a plant for myself and some snap dragons for Michelle, who pulled one of the flowers off and started snapping it at me when I gave them to her. (I work for the biggest dork.)
While work has been hectic and interesting this week, next week is going to be my real test. Starting Tuesday, Michelle is in training with our ambassadors for three days, immediately followed by the first session of our orientation program, ROAR. Friday is the day that the freshmen participate in advising and registration, and it is also the first time they will meet the ambassadors and really get to know the campus. ROAR is a big deal, and there are a lot of things that I am being put in charge of because Michelle and her co-advisor for the ambassadors, Nelson, will be in training all day Tuesday-Thursday, and they are also in charge of prep for ROAR. So parts of it fall to me. It is scary, but I'm excited also.
This weekend, though, is crazy as well. Last night my sister Maggie graduated from high school, today I'm cleaning and my best friend Audrey will be arriving for the weekend, tomorrow Audrey and I are looking at apartments and I have a baccalaureate for my sister Victoria and a grad party for Maggie. Then Monday Audrey and I will be looking at more apartments, I've got meetings to attend about ROAR, and then Victoria graduates from high school. Crazy weekend immediately followed by a crazy week, but it's going to be totally worth it. Maybe I'll even go to work on Tuesday morning having signed a lease for an apartment!
Pretty much my life is amazing right now. It's like I finally hit the jackpot. :)
I spent a large portion of that first week being really quiet; absorbing everything. The last three days, while hectic, have been probably the best so far.
Wednesday was my first one-on-one with my boss. I already love Michelle a lot, so I'm thrilled with the opportunity to be working for her. It was fun for me to be able to go through all of the things that I have been working on and hear "great," followed by advice on how to proceed. So far I think I'm doing good, but you would have to ask her I guess.
Thursday we were supposed to be in a meeting, but it unexpectedly got cancelled, so Michelle, our program coordinator, Rachel, and I colored for thirty minutes.
...Yeah, you totally read that correctly. I'm one of the founding members of the Coloring Club on our campus, so we already had all of the supplies, and the three of us sat down in the conference room and colored large Disney coloring pages and talked about ridiculous things. While the rest of the day was pretty low-key, I was pretty thrilled by that portion of my day.
Yesterday I finished a couple of projects, and then Rachel and I went to the end of the year party for the Garden Club on campus. Pizza, soda, cake, and plenty of flowers. I won the raffle for one of the hanging plants, but couldn't take it home on the bus, so gave it to Rachel. She picked out some gorgeous yellow flowers...I have no idea what they were, but they were pretty. And I snagged a plant for myself and some snap dragons for Michelle, who pulled one of the flowers off and started snapping it at me when I gave them to her. (I work for the biggest dork.)
While work has been hectic and interesting this week, next week is going to be my real test. Starting Tuesday, Michelle is in training with our ambassadors for three days, immediately followed by the first session of our orientation program, ROAR. Friday is the day that the freshmen participate in advising and registration, and it is also the first time they will meet the ambassadors and really get to know the campus. ROAR is a big deal, and there are a lot of things that I am being put in charge of because Michelle and her co-advisor for the ambassadors, Nelson, will be in training all day Tuesday-Thursday, and they are also in charge of prep for ROAR. So parts of it fall to me. It is scary, but I'm excited also.
This weekend, though, is crazy as well. Last night my sister Maggie graduated from high school, today I'm cleaning and my best friend Audrey will be arriving for the weekend, tomorrow Audrey and I are looking at apartments and I have a baccalaureate for my sister Victoria and a grad party for Maggie. Then Monday Audrey and I will be looking at more apartments, I've got meetings to attend about ROAR, and then Victoria graduates from high school. Crazy weekend immediately followed by a crazy week, but it's going to be totally worth it. Maybe I'll even go to work on Tuesday morning having signed a lease for an apartment!
Pretty much my life is amazing right now. It's like I finally hit the jackpot. :)
6.12.2010
and so it begins.
Wednesday was the day that I actually started work. I spent the day researching Emerging Leader's Retreats and Programs at other universities. It was a day of phone calls and emails, printing agendas and other documents to read over later. I spent the next couple of days doing the same thing, adding in a few other projects here and there. I organized the desk, made more phone calls, looked through photos....and I loved every second of it.
Nose to the grindstone, I was quiet, enjoying myself. It sounds a little silly, I guess, but I liked it. I felt productive, like I was doing something important.
Oh, I know it sounds ridiculous. This has barely started, but I...well, I guess I don't care how silly it sounds. I've waited all semester for this position. I would work all day every day if I could, but I suppose I should save the work for my office hours. My boss can only come up with so many projects.
It's hard to imagine what the internship will look like in a few months. Busier, I'm sure. More to do. I'm still nervous about the big projects; there are going to be a lot of people watching me. I guess it's just a matter of having a little faith.
Nervous or not, I already love what I'm doing. I've got two big meetings next week, several projects to work on, and on top of everything else, my best friend and soon to be roommate will finally be returning to Vancouver from Albany, New York this week. We'll be looking at apartments when I'm not working, and hopefully we'll find a great one.
This summer, the internship, the next year; they're all going to be great. And everything is finally starting.
Nose to the grindstone, I was quiet, enjoying myself. It sounds a little silly, I guess, but I liked it. I felt productive, like I was doing something important.
Oh, I know it sounds ridiculous. This has barely started, but I...well, I guess I don't care how silly it sounds. I've waited all semester for this position. I would work all day every day if I could, but I suppose I should save the work for my office hours. My boss can only come up with so many projects.
It's hard to imagine what the internship will look like in a few months. Busier, I'm sure. More to do. I'm still nervous about the big projects; there are going to be a lot of people watching me. I guess it's just a matter of having a little faith.
Nervous or not, I already love what I'm doing. I've got two big meetings next week, several projects to work on, and on top of everything else, my best friend and soon to be roommate will finally be returning to Vancouver from Albany, New York this week. We'll be looking at apartments when I'm not working, and hopefully we'll find a great one.
This summer, the internship, the next year; they're all going to be great. And everything is finally starting.
6.03.2010
That thrilling terror.
Have you ever been both scared and excited at the same time? Have you ever imagined yourself succeeding and failing; pictured your boss' expression when both proud of and disappointed in you?
It is this terrible frenzy of emotions that is taking over my thoughts at the moment. The semester is over and turned out fine (except for that class I have to retake), and I got rave reviews from all of the people that I worked with on my last internship. Not to mention, on May 4, I was offered, and accepted, the Programming Internship in our Office of Student Involvement.
Excitement. Terror. The thought that I can do it. The thought that I can't. The unfulfillable desire to ask why; why did you hire me? Why did you hire me? Why did you hire me, knowing everything that you do?
I pestered and pestered to start my job. Part of it was because I was excited. I am excited. But part of it was also because I knew that the longer I had to wait, the more I would convince myself that I was going to screw up; that I was going to do something wrong or be unable to fulfill the duties of a position that I have coveted for months.
My boss has been out of town for the last week, which has pushed my start back further than what we discussed in the interview. That's fine, I would much rather her be in town when I start. I think.
Tuesday is the day. I will be sitting down with the two other interns and our boss to talk about the Office of Student Involvement, what we will each be working on, how we will work together; the big picture. And then I will be starting, most likely the next day. I have already sat down with my boss and the previous intern. I know what the job requires. Now it's just a matter of determining whether or not I know what the hell I'm doing.
I've never been this scared to start something. Or this excited.
It is this terrible frenzy of emotions that is taking over my thoughts at the moment. The semester is over and turned out fine (except for that class I have to retake), and I got rave reviews from all of the people that I worked with on my last internship. Not to mention, on May 4, I was offered, and accepted, the Programming Internship in our Office of Student Involvement.
Excitement. Terror. The thought that I can do it. The thought that I can't. The unfulfillable desire to ask why; why did you hire me? Why did you hire me? Why did you hire me, knowing everything that you do?
I pestered and pestered to start my job. Part of it was because I was excited. I am excited. But part of it was also because I knew that the longer I had to wait, the more I would convince myself that I was going to screw up; that I was going to do something wrong or be unable to fulfill the duties of a position that I have coveted for months.
My boss has been out of town for the last week, which has pushed my start back further than what we discussed in the interview. That's fine, I would much rather her be in town when I start. I think.
Tuesday is the day. I will be sitting down with the two other interns and our boss to talk about the Office of Student Involvement, what we will each be working on, how we will work together; the big picture. And then I will be starting, most likely the next day. I have already sat down with my boss and the previous intern. I know what the job requires. Now it's just a matter of determining whether or not I know what the hell I'm doing.
I've never been this scared to start something. Or this excited.
5.19.2010
beginnings and endings.
I just had my final phone call with ONE. I guess it could have been considered an exit interview; a list of questions about the things that I liked, the changes I want to see made. Working with ONE has been an amazing, glorious experience. They have taught me things I couldn't have learned anywhere else, sent me to Kenya - I will miss working with ONE, flying to DC every January to spend three days holed up in conference rooms (okay, two when you get food poisoning), but it is time. This semester has taught me a lot about me and my priorities, and dedicated time to ONE just isn't in the cards anymore.
In about three weeks, I get to start the most amazing job. My internship this semester with the Student Affairs department really taught me a lot, but mostly it introduced me to a career field that I actually feel good about. I am proud to tell people that I want to work at the University level, that I want to manage student involvement activities or work for resident life. And this new job? It lets me do just that.
Yes, I am still a student. I changed my major, pushed out my graduation, but it is worth it. I will be interning in the Office of Student Involvement on our campus, working for the same woman who got me in to Student Affairs in the first place, and helping to run programs on our campus. Our Public Affairs Lecture Series, Women of Distinction, Chancellor's Seminar Series...all of these fall in to my lap, and I can't wait to get started.
I'm so excited that I'm pretty sure Michelle is going to explode if I ask her one more time when I am starting. Or when she and I can sit down and talk about what I'm doing. I know I need to wait; she and Sally (the most recent intern) and I are sitting down next Tuesday, and that is going to be amazing, but it doesn't make me any less antsy to start my job. I'm bored just sitting around, watching bad television and reading books. The reading books part is fun, but I can still do that while working 15 hours a week for the office. I just want to start so bad.
But I'll wait. June 7, hopefully, is my start date. It seems so far away, but it's only a couple of weeks. I can wait that long. Right?
In about three weeks, I get to start the most amazing job. My internship this semester with the Student Affairs department really taught me a lot, but mostly it introduced me to a career field that I actually feel good about. I am proud to tell people that I want to work at the University level, that I want to manage student involvement activities or work for resident life. And this new job? It lets me do just that.
Yes, I am still a student. I changed my major, pushed out my graduation, but it is worth it. I will be interning in the Office of Student Involvement on our campus, working for the same woman who got me in to Student Affairs in the first place, and helping to run programs on our campus. Our Public Affairs Lecture Series, Women of Distinction, Chancellor's Seminar Series...all of these fall in to my lap, and I can't wait to get started.
I'm so excited that I'm pretty sure Michelle is going to explode if I ask her one more time when I am starting. Or when she and I can sit down and talk about what I'm doing. I know I need to wait; she and Sally (the most recent intern) and I are sitting down next Tuesday, and that is going to be amazing, but it doesn't make me any less antsy to start my job. I'm bored just sitting around, watching bad television and reading books. The reading books part is fun, but I can still do that while working 15 hours a week for the office. I just want to start so bad.
But I'll wait. June 7, hopefully, is my start date. It seems so far away, but it's only a couple of weeks. I can wait that long. Right?
3.08.2010
all that i'm after is a life full of laughter
Welcome to March! It has been nearly two weeks since I was here last, so I am clearly not living up to my once-a-day promise, but this semester has become busy. No excuses, though, I'm going to try to be better about it. (After all, at least one person reads this - Hi Nicole!)
My internship is amazing. Michelle did me a huge service by recommending that I do this - I have completely fallen in love with the Student Affairs Department, and can't wait to get even more involved as the semester continues. Today I went to a Management Meeting, which meant that I sat in on an hour long conversation between the eight sections of the Student Affairs department. It was a really great experience, and even though I didn't really say anything, I would love to keep going back. I'm not sure if they will let me, but I think I'm going ask. I didn't understand some of the acronyms or things that they were talking about, but there was something really cool about the meeting.
Wednesday I go to Prairie High School with Nelson, who is one of our admissions counselors, and I'm really excited. I haven't been to a high school visit since I attended one while I was in high school, so it's going to be really interesting to see the other side of that. I'll also start getting in to more events and more involved with the KnowHow2Go Program that Admissions is doing, which is a recruitment program that is targeted at low-income and first-generation college students, but we're waiting on more responses from Middle and High Schools for that one.
This Saturday, I leave for a five day Service Trip in northern Washington. We start in Puyallup and make our way all the way to Everett working on farms and orchards and ending at a food bank. It's going to be some hard labor, but I'm excited; it should be pretty fun, actually. My friend Brandi and I get to drive up together on Saturday, and I love driving, so that will be great. I wanted to do a service trip for Spring Break, and was looking at New Orleans for a while, but this one is free and local, so I think it is going to be even better.
Things are starting to look up, though this semester took a turn for the the worse for a while. I think it'll end on a good note, though, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.
My internship is amazing. Michelle did me a huge service by recommending that I do this - I have completely fallen in love with the Student Affairs Department, and can't wait to get even more involved as the semester continues. Today I went to a Management Meeting, which meant that I sat in on an hour long conversation between the eight sections of the Student Affairs department. It was a really great experience, and even though I didn't really say anything, I would love to keep going back. I'm not sure if they will let me, but I think I'm going ask. I didn't understand some of the acronyms or things that they were talking about, but there was something really cool about the meeting.
Wednesday I go to Prairie High School with Nelson, who is one of our admissions counselors, and I'm really excited. I haven't been to a high school visit since I attended one while I was in high school, so it's going to be really interesting to see the other side of that. I'll also start getting in to more events and more involved with the KnowHow2Go Program that Admissions is doing, which is a recruitment program that is targeted at low-income and first-generation college students, but we're waiting on more responses from Middle and High Schools for that one.
This Saturday, I leave for a five day Service Trip in northern Washington. We start in Puyallup and make our way all the way to Everett working on farms and orchards and ending at a food bank. It's going to be some hard labor, but I'm excited; it should be pretty fun, actually. My friend Brandi and I get to drive up together on Saturday, and I love driving, so that will be great. I wanted to do a service trip for Spring Break, and was looking at New Orleans for a while, but this one is free and local, so I think it is going to be even better.
Things are starting to look up, though this semester took a turn for the the worse for a while. I think it'll end on a good note, though, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.
2.23.2010
play on when you're losing the game
I was told early this morning that one of my prose pieces will be published in the school's literary journal, and I'm thrilled. It is a piece that I was already pretty proud of, but I'm even more proud of it now. It's the first time I will ever be published!
Also, our campaign finally launches tomorrow! My amazing candidates, Mason and Tiffany, will do an official launch of the campaign about 3 1/2 hours before their first debate - with one opposing ticket, we've got some work cut out for us, but I've got a lot of faith in my team - they're going to do great. The website is just about finished, and once we pick up our fliers and merchandise tomorrow, we'll really be ready to paint the campus PINK! (You can check out what is finished of the website at www.votepink2010.org.)
This weekend I head for Pullman for a basketball game versus the University of Washington, and I can't wait! I'm going with an amazing group of people, and it should be a great break for me. Another coffee date with Michelle is scheduled for next Friday, my internship is really interesting and most of my classes are going well, so I definitely have things to look forward to. I have to tell you, though, the thing I need most is a big fat hug from someone - and I'm not sure where to find that. Maybe one will turn up if I wish hard enough.
Also, our campaign finally launches tomorrow! My amazing candidates, Mason and Tiffany, will do an official launch of the campaign about 3 1/2 hours before their first debate - with one opposing ticket, we've got some work cut out for us, but I've got a lot of faith in my team - they're going to do great. The website is just about finished, and once we pick up our fliers and merchandise tomorrow, we'll really be ready to paint the campus PINK! (You can check out what is finished of the website at www.votepink2010.org.)
This weekend I head for Pullman for a basketball game versus the University of Washington, and I can't wait! I'm going with an amazing group of people, and it should be a great break for me. Another coffee date with Michelle is scheduled for next Friday, my internship is really interesting and most of my classes are going well, so I definitely have things to look forward to. I have to tell you, though, the thing I need most is a big fat hug from someone - and I'm not sure where to find that. Maybe one will turn up if I wish hard enough.
2.09.2010
crazy cakes.
My life has felt like a tornado since I last posted. Let's see if I can sum this up in the time I have left before class.
Washington, DC was not what I expected. First of all, the dynamic was different. Maybe I've reached my peak with the organization. That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but it made for an interesting weekend. On top of that - I got some kind of bug. I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning - either the one restaurant I went to that no one else did on Friday night served me bad chicken or I had a bad reaction to something everyone else ate, but I was ill. I missed all of the sessions on Sunday, which threw my weekend off. Serena and I had a great time lobbying on Monday though (I was completely fine when I woke up that morning), and there are still good things to remember about the weekend. Some parts of it were a total bust, though.
Since then, things have been a little hectic. It has only been a week, but with Monday spent in DC and on the plane, I felt like my week was incredibly short. I did write a piece for my creative writing class that I completely love, but I want to edit the mistakes and add some more detail to it and I'm not allowed to edit it. It is driving me crazy, but I guess I'll wait. I have no reason to doubt my Creative Writing professor.
I've also finally started delving in to my internship. Part of it was my fault - I've had the reading for weeks and have been putting them off to do other things instead. But I'm getting in to them now and I think I like them - some of the stuff I'm reading is a little over my head, but I'm doing my best. My meetings with the Student Affairs professionals start on Friday, so hopefully that will be good.
Otherwise I'm just trying to manage my time better. I can't seem to get myself to focus, and I don't know if I'm overwhelmed, or bored, or frustrated - but something is getting to me, and I need to get rid of it. Too bad that next therapy appointment isn't for several weeks. Look like I'm going to have to figure this one out for myself - and we all know how well that goes.
Washington, DC was not what I expected. First of all, the dynamic was different. Maybe I've reached my peak with the organization. That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but it made for an interesting weekend. On top of that - I got some kind of bug. I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning - either the one restaurant I went to that no one else did on Friday night served me bad chicken or I had a bad reaction to something everyone else ate, but I was ill. I missed all of the sessions on Sunday, which threw my weekend off. Serena and I had a great time lobbying on Monday though (I was completely fine when I woke up that morning), and there are still good things to remember about the weekend. Some parts of it were a total bust, though.
Since then, things have been a little hectic. It has only been a week, but with Monday spent in DC and on the plane, I felt like my week was incredibly short. I did write a piece for my creative writing class that I completely love, but I want to edit the mistakes and add some more detail to it and I'm not allowed to edit it. It is driving me crazy, but I guess I'll wait. I have no reason to doubt my Creative Writing professor.
I've also finally started delving in to my internship. Part of it was my fault - I've had the reading for weeks and have been putting them off to do other things instead. But I'm getting in to them now and I think I like them - some of the stuff I'm reading is a little over my head, but I'm doing my best. My meetings with the Student Affairs professionals start on Friday, so hopefully that will be good.
Otherwise I'm just trying to manage my time better. I can't seem to get myself to focus, and I don't know if I'm overwhelmed, or bored, or frustrated - but something is getting to me, and I need to get rid of it. Too bad that next therapy appointment isn't for several weeks. Look like I'm going to have to figure this one out for myself - and we all know how well that goes.
1.28.2010
washington, dc.
I have arrived.
It was an adventure getting here - I missed the train by 30 seconds, nearly froze waiting for the next one, got lost once I got off the train, and nearly didn't have a room to sleep in. But I'm here, I'm warm, and I'm listening to President Obama's State of the Union while I type this.
While my first hour or so in DC was a little hectic, I'm excited to be here. The Power 100 has always been an amazing weekend, and I know this one will be the same. And I am eager to talk about Kenya to students who really, truly care.
It's late. I'm sure you'll hear from me throughout the weekend, though, as there is always something to talk about when it comes to the Power 100.
It was an adventure getting here - I missed the train by 30 seconds, nearly froze waiting for the next one, got lost once I got off the train, and nearly didn't have a room to sleep in. But I'm here, I'm warm, and I'm listening to President Obama's State of the Union while I type this.
While my first hour or so in DC was a little hectic, I'm excited to be here. The Power 100 has always been an amazing weekend, and I know this one will be the same. And I am eager to talk about Kenya to students who really, truly care.
It's late. I'm sure you'll hear from me throughout the weekend, though, as there is always something to talk about when it comes to the Power 100.
too late.
Yesterday, at our campus bookstore, I purchased the newest issue of Time, which has President Obama on the cover. I've tried to read it several times, and it's not for my lack of interest in the article, it's my frustration.
And not with our President.
On January 12, there was a 7.0 earthquake in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. This is news to no one. Millions of people lost their homes or, worse, their lives. The people of Haiti are struggling. It is devastating.
But it is not as if their struggle is new. Yes, it is worse, but new? Not even close.
Haiti is a country in poverty. Many of the people that live there own only a one-room shack and cannot feed their children. War has ravaged their country. They are in desperate need of help from those that can.
And all of a sudden, everyone can.
It is moments like these, like the Tsunami in 2004 or Katrina in 2005, that remind me why I work for an organization like the ONE Campaign. Every organization has office politics and kinks that need to be worked out, and I might get frustrated occasionally, but ONE is not waiting until our international brothers and sisters are in dire straits to help them. They are trying to conquer the problem now, jumping in with more force when an earthquake or tsunami happens.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't help places devastated by natural disasters. Of course we should; natural disasters are directly caused by no one and assistance is often necessary. But explain this to me - why is it that during natural disasters, not directly caused by man, people jump out of their seats to help, but when countries are in poverty, which is caused by man, it is so hard to get people to help?
I just wish more people would help those poverty-stricken countries now, instead of later. Later can often be too late.
And not with our President.
On January 12, there was a 7.0 earthquake in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. This is news to no one. Millions of people lost their homes or, worse, their lives. The people of Haiti are struggling. It is devastating.
But it is not as if their struggle is new. Yes, it is worse, but new? Not even close.
Haiti is a country in poverty. Many of the people that live there own only a one-room shack and cannot feed their children. War has ravaged their country. They are in desperate need of help from those that can.
And all of a sudden, everyone can.
It is moments like these, like the Tsunami in 2004 or Katrina in 2005, that remind me why I work for an organization like the ONE Campaign. Every organization has office politics and kinks that need to be worked out, and I might get frustrated occasionally, but ONE is not waiting until our international brothers and sisters are in dire straits to help them. They are trying to conquer the problem now, jumping in with more force when an earthquake or tsunami happens.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't help places devastated by natural disasters. Of course we should; natural disasters are directly caused by no one and assistance is often necessary. But explain this to me - why is it that during natural disasters, not directly caused by man, people jump out of their seats to help, but when countries are in poverty, which is caused by man, it is so hard to get people to help?
I just wish more people would help those poverty-stricken countries now, instead of later. Later can often be too late.
1.27.2010
one a.m.
I'm still in the Student Government office. Nicholas and I are putting some things together for the Walk-Out and Rally that is taking place on February 4th. I also still have loads to do and some of it isn't with me, so will I be sleeping tonight?
Not likely.
I love these nights.
Not likely.
I love these nights.
1.25.2010
cinnamon latte.
We return.
It is Monday, the text surprises me, as I haven't heard from him or seen him all day.
"Study session tonight?"
I hesitate, remembering that I promised my step-mom that I would actually eat dinner at home, for once. It takes me a minute or two to calculate the time, but I respond with, "What time? I told my family I would have dinner there. If you can wait until 8, then yes."
With an "Ok. Sounds good" the plans are made, and I settle in for the bus ride home, the brief shopping trip to Target, and the final walk from Lincoln to 8th. I tell my parents Nicholas is coming at 8; my step-mom sighs. Dad put the ham in late - dinner might not be ready in time.
It is, and we eat, but I'm anxious to leave - anxious to return to the atmosphere that I felt so at home in.
He orders the same thing, I order differently, and we find a spot further in the back, our previous nook occupied by a schoolmate that neither of us were expecting to see there. Sometimes I feel like Portland is a novelty to people from Vancouver. Portland? What? You mean you actually cross the I-5 Bridge?
It's a different atmosphere tonight, much louder and filled with more people, but something tells me that has more to do with our location in the coffee shop than a difference of evenings. Then again, more people spend Tuesday nights in coffee shops than Saturdays, I'm sure.
We read, take breaks, talk about things that make us think. It's the same type of evening, though the conversations and the readings are different. I let my new glasses get accustomed to my face; watching him turn over and around trying to find a comfortable position on the couch. I chose the armchair for a particular reason; he's a mover, and I was not about to get kicked in the head.
I purchase a cinnamon latte, recommended by another friend, and he chides me. "You'll be up all night," he says. "Don't drink that." I smirk and drink it anyway. "So I'm up all night," I say. "I have a lot to do in very little time."
The evening ends earlier than I would have liked, but the conversations have become more important than the homework, and I think we both knew that we could have talked for hours. Another time, maybe.
He plays a new song on the ride home, we continue our good conversations, and one last turn and a hug later I'm getting out of the car, agreeing to continue going back. It's good for both of us, these evenings. Hopefully it is the beginning of a pattern that gets us through a semester destined to be stressful.
It is Monday, the text surprises me, as I haven't heard from him or seen him all day.
"Study session tonight?"
I hesitate, remembering that I promised my step-mom that I would actually eat dinner at home, for once. It takes me a minute or two to calculate the time, but I respond with, "What time? I told my family I would have dinner there. If you can wait until 8, then yes."
With an "Ok. Sounds good" the plans are made, and I settle in for the bus ride home, the brief shopping trip to Target, and the final walk from Lincoln to 8th. I tell my parents Nicholas is coming at 8; my step-mom sighs. Dad put the ham in late - dinner might not be ready in time.
It is, and we eat, but I'm anxious to leave - anxious to return to the atmosphere that I felt so at home in.
He orders the same thing, I order differently, and we find a spot further in the back, our previous nook occupied by a schoolmate that neither of us were expecting to see there. Sometimes I feel like Portland is a novelty to people from Vancouver. Portland? What? You mean you actually cross the I-5 Bridge?
It's a different atmosphere tonight, much louder and filled with more people, but something tells me that has more to do with our location in the coffee shop than a difference of evenings. Then again, more people spend Tuesday nights in coffee shops than Saturdays, I'm sure.
We read, take breaks, talk about things that make us think. It's the same type of evening, though the conversations and the readings are different. I let my new glasses get accustomed to my face; watching him turn over and around trying to find a comfortable position on the couch. I chose the armchair for a particular reason; he's a mover, and I was not about to get kicked in the head.
I purchase a cinnamon latte, recommended by another friend, and he chides me. "You'll be up all night," he says. "Don't drink that." I smirk and drink it anyway. "So I'm up all night," I say. "I have a lot to do in very little time."
The evening ends earlier than I would have liked, but the conversations have become more important than the homework, and I think we both knew that we could have talked for hours. Another time, maybe.
He plays a new song on the ride home, we continue our good conversations, and one last turn and a hug later I'm getting out of the car, agreeing to continue going back. It's good for both of us, these evenings. Hopefully it is the beginning of a pattern that gets us through a semester destined to be stressful.
1.24.2010
slinging eggs and bacon, with a college eduation.
I purchased Jason Aldean's newest album "Wide Open" today, and acquired a date to his concert in May (Nicole and I will be making a Girl's Night of it, most likely). I've been listening to the album all day, and am enthralled with it, but mostly with the title track. It's about a girl who works in a diner after college and how "Wide Open" her future is.
It's a great song, but seriously. This is what scares me the most about graduating. That I'll be working a dead-end job for the rest of my life, despite my degree and my numerous internships. This is part of the reason I changed my major from Social Science to Public Affairs and decided to stay another year. Public Affairs may not be the most practical degree ever, but it is certainly more practical than a Social Science degree. At this point it's just a matter of what I'll do with the economy the way it is. Who is going to be hiring Campaign Managers or Student Affairs staff right now? No one, that's who.
I'm not at all ready for this week. I've only got three days of school, because Thursday morning I fly to Washington, DC for the Power 100 Summit with The ONE Campaign. It is most likely the final one I will be attending. It saddens me to say that, because I love ONE and I love my friends there and I love the conference, but if I'm going to stay only one more year and I'm going to try and get the Office of Student Involvement Internship, there is no way I can continue with ONE next year. That's my decision at this point, but it is still tentative.
Mostly I just can't wait to see my people. The four other students that I went to Kenya with this summer will be there, as well as most, if not all, of the ONE staffers that accompanied us. I think that if Tyler is there, my life will be made. I would love to sit and have a conversation with that man. Of all the things I'm excited for, I'm most excited to just be in DC. I love the city so much, and if I plan to go in to campaign work for the long term, DC is where I will end up. Not to mention, my end goal of being on campaigns is to one day be the White House Chief of Staff. Clearly will have to reside in DC for that one.
It's going to be an interesting week. Everything at home is jam-packed in to three days, and then I get to spend four glorious days in the city of my dreams. Can't wait to see how it goes!
It's a great song, but seriously. This is what scares me the most about graduating. That I'll be working a dead-end job for the rest of my life, despite my degree and my numerous internships. This is part of the reason I changed my major from Social Science to Public Affairs and decided to stay another year. Public Affairs may not be the most practical degree ever, but it is certainly more practical than a Social Science degree. At this point it's just a matter of what I'll do with the economy the way it is. Who is going to be hiring Campaign Managers or Student Affairs staff right now? No one, that's who.
I'm not at all ready for this week. I've only got three days of school, because Thursday morning I fly to Washington, DC for the Power 100 Summit with The ONE Campaign. It is most likely the final one I will be attending. It saddens me to say that, because I love ONE and I love my friends there and I love the conference, but if I'm going to stay only one more year and I'm going to try and get the Office of Student Involvement Internship, there is no way I can continue with ONE next year. That's my decision at this point, but it is still tentative.
Mostly I just can't wait to see my people. The four other students that I went to Kenya with this summer will be there, as well as most, if not all, of the ONE staffers that accompanied us. I think that if Tyler is there, my life will be made. I would love to sit and have a conversation with that man. Of all the things I'm excited for, I'm most excited to just be in DC. I love the city so much, and if I plan to go in to campaign work for the long term, DC is where I will end up. Not to mention, my end goal of being on campaigns is to one day be the White House Chief of Staff. Clearly will have to reside in DC for that one.
It's going to be an interesting week. Everything at home is jam-packed in to three days, and then I get to spend four glorious days in the city of my dreams. Can't wait to see how it goes!
Nook and cranny.
Welcome to my weekend. I should be doing homework, but Mason brought my computer over yesterday, and I've been playing with it since. Somewhere in the transfer from computer to computer, I lost about 400 songs, so I'm not real thrilled about that, but it will give me a chance to get to know my iTunes library again, I suppose. And that could be fun.
Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my friend Nicholas, who asked me to be his homework buddy around six. I agreed, for a number of reasons, but mostly because I knew that if I didn't go somewhere and do homework I would spend the evening watching movies - a complete waste of my time and energy, though fun.
When Nicholas picked me up I had no idea where we were going, and sometimes I think he does that to me on purpose. "Somewhere in Portland," he told me when I asked on the phone. This is not actually a legitimate answer, but I accepted it. I trust him.
We arrived at a place called "Coffee Time," on 21st and Irving just outside of the Pearl District. (Side note: Portland is amazing. One day I will live there.) It looks like a hole in the wall; smaller than a Starbucks from the outside, but inside...the further back you walk, the larger it gets. There were at least 50 people in this place, half of them playing chess. Nicholas and I found a nook and settled down for a spell; his apple cider dictating the smell of our space and my keyboard the sound.
The characters in Portland are always to die for, and this was no exception. Some people spend their time in Coffee Time painting, others studying, some selling their wares. Portland is eccentric and beautiful; a place like no other. At this point in my life, though I once desired to move to New York, I have no desire further than to reside somewhere in Portland. If you've never been - you're missing out.
Today I'll get back to the homework. I have a to-do list a page long that I've barely started on, and hopefully I'll be able to accomplish some of it. I wish I owned my own vehicle, though. I'd be back in that nook, absorbing the character of the city with my studies.
Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my friend Nicholas, who asked me to be his homework buddy around six. I agreed, for a number of reasons, but mostly because I knew that if I didn't go somewhere and do homework I would spend the evening watching movies - a complete waste of my time and energy, though fun.
When Nicholas picked me up I had no idea where we were going, and sometimes I think he does that to me on purpose. "Somewhere in Portland," he told me when I asked on the phone. This is not actually a legitimate answer, but I accepted it. I trust him.
We arrived at a place called "Coffee Time," on 21st and Irving just outside of the Pearl District. (Side note: Portland is amazing. One day I will live there.) It looks like a hole in the wall; smaller than a Starbucks from the outside, but inside...the further back you walk, the larger it gets. There were at least 50 people in this place, half of them playing chess. Nicholas and I found a nook and settled down for a spell; his apple cider dictating the smell of our space and my keyboard the sound.
The characters in Portland are always to die for, and this was no exception. Some people spend their time in Coffee Time painting, others studying, some selling their wares. Portland is eccentric and beautiful; a place like no other. At this point in my life, though I once desired to move to New York, I have no desire further than to reside somewhere in Portland. If you've never been - you're missing out.
Today I'll get back to the homework. I have a to-do list a page long that I've barely started on, and hopefully I'll be able to accomplish some of it. I wish I owned my own vehicle, though. I'd be back in that nook, absorbing the character of the city with my studies.
1.22.2010
"He has less coping skills than I, and I barely have any." "I think that is a fair assessment."
The idea, of course, was to post daily, but I arrived home last night just before midnight and found it more beneficial to shed my clothes and crawl in to bed. Although now I've only got a few minutes before I have to leave the house.
My coffee date with Michelle turned in to a two-hour lunch, part of which we were joined by my friend Nicole for. It was quite possibly the greatest two hours of my last two weeks. We talked about nearly everything. Talking with Michelle is always amazing, of course, but I don't think we've ever just sat there for two hours. I think it was something we both needed.
This weekend I have to write five poems. As much as I'm excited about this Creative Writing class, I am also nervous. Sure, part of it is that I want people to like me and like my writing, but I also am nervous that I won't even like it. Katherine, my professor, has insisted that we stop thinking like that, but I find it to be easier said than done. And also, what is the difference between a poem and prose? I never really have known.
I suppose I should go. I've got a to-do list of things to do today, hopefully ending with sitting in a dark theater watching Legion. I actually am not a big fan of sci-fi movies, but my favourite actress is in it, so we'll see.
My coffee date with Michelle turned in to a two-hour lunch, part of which we were joined by my friend Nicole for. It was quite possibly the greatest two hours of my last two weeks. We talked about nearly everything. Talking with Michelle is always amazing, of course, but I don't think we've ever just sat there for two hours. I think it was something we both needed.
This weekend I have to write five poems. As much as I'm excited about this Creative Writing class, I am also nervous. Sure, part of it is that I want people to like me and like my writing, but I also am nervous that I won't even like it. Katherine, my professor, has insisted that we stop thinking like that, but I find it to be easier said than done. And also, what is the difference between a poem and prose? I never really have known.
I suppose I should go. I've got a to-do list of things to do today, hopefully ending with sitting in a dark theater watching Legion. I actually am not a big fan of sci-fi movies, but my favourite actress is in it, so we'll see.
1.21.2010
"I'm here for coffee if you need." "Yes please."
I hate secrets.
Alright, well that is only partially true. I hate having to keep secrets. I love learning them, and I love spilling them, but don't ask me to keep one, it won't happen.
Case in point: I accidentally learned something about a dear friend today (it is a very exciting and adorable secret, but it was not supposed to be told and sort of just blurted out of someone's mouth) and, uh, told. Not many people, just.....six. Two of whom do not live here. So, don't tell me secrets. Or at least don't tell me exciting ones.
In other news, I purchased my new computer this morning, and then lugged it to the school to put it in the very capable hands of my friend Mason, who is a computer guru. He has offered to clean it up and install new programs for me. I'm itching to get my hands on it, but I have a feeling the wait will be completely worth it. Also, I've heard glorious things about Windows 7, so I can't wait to play with that.
Michelle and I made a coffee date for tomorrow, which I desperately need. I don't even know that we'll talk about anything of importance; I just need to spend time with a good friend.
Nothing really happened today. It was a series of mundane and overly exciting events, and ended with a walk home that re-energised me. (That is the nice thing about having night classes - the bus that drops me close to my house doesn't run after six, so I get a good mile walk in at the end of each day.) I have to draft a project for my Creative Writing class, and I've been putting it off because I have no idea what to do, so I guess I'll finally get down to that. This weekend I really need to buckle down and figure out how to manage my time, or I'm not going to succeed at anything this semester.
Alright, well that is only partially true. I hate having to keep secrets. I love learning them, and I love spilling them, but don't ask me to keep one, it won't happen.
Case in point: I accidentally learned something about a dear friend today (it is a very exciting and adorable secret, but it was not supposed to be told and sort of just blurted out of someone's mouth) and, uh, told. Not many people, just.....six. Two of whom do not live here. So, don't tell me secrets. Or at least don't tell me exciting ones.
In other news, I purchased my new computer this morning, and then lugged it to the school to put it in the very capable hands of my friend Mason, who is a computer guru. He has offered to clean it up and install new programs for me. I'm itching to get my hands on it, but I have a feeling the wait will be completely worth it. Also, I've heard glorious things about Windows 7, so I can't wait to play with that.
Michelle and I made a coffee date for tomorrow, which I desperately need. I don't even know that we'll talk about anything of importance; I just need to spend time with a good friend.
Nothing really happened today. It was a series of mundane and overly exciting events, and ended with a walk home that re-energised me. (That is the nice thing about having night classes - the bus that drops me close to my house doesn't run after six, so I get a good mile walk in at the end of each day.) I have to draft a project for my Creative Writing class, and I've been putting it off because I have no idea what to do, so I guess I'll finally get down to that. This weekend I really need to buckle down and figure out how to manage my time, or I'm not going to succeed at anything this semester.
1.20.2010
The power of opening up.
Today was a pretty tough day for me.
Somewhere along the way, I learned or determined that it would be a good idea to stuff my feelings in to my stomach. I've been doing it for years, and it usually occurs the same way. Something happens that affects me or hurts me, and instead of dealing with it then, I pretend like it didn't happen, or that I wasn't hurt. And I keep pretending - I pretend until one day, my body can't take it any more, and then I cry violent tears and hide in my writing or my books for a couple of days, and then I'm fine. Until the next thing.
You see, last semester I spent nearly every day with two very special, very important people. One of them is spending this semester interning for the New York State Legislature in Albany, NY, and the other is taking the semester off to take care of family. And while they should be doing these things, and I am proud of them and worried for them, I hate them. I hate them because they are all the way across the country, or unreachable via phone, and I can't do anything about it. So I hate them, even though I don't.
I've been pretending that I'm fine for a week or so now, and today I just - hit the breaking point. I don't feel like I can go in to Michelle's office (for complex me-related reasons), and I don't feel like I have anyone else. I ended up talking to a friend, but we disagree on the way to deal with things, so it didn't really help. So instead I caved and called my Dad to come pick me up when I was half-way home on the bus - I just didn't want to be alone any more.
We talked for a while, and it helped. I'm not completely better, but I do feel better now than I did a few hours ago. And I'm promising myself - and putting it in writing - that this won't be happening any more. I will talk about things instead, because I'm tired of feeling like this. So I'm making that change this semester too - be more open when things aren't okay. And stop feeling like people are going to run away from me when I tell them that I'm not okay. Because they aren't. You should meet the people that love me - they are the most amazing people on the planet. And why I haven't felt comfortable opening up to them, well...it's beyond me.
Somewhere along the way, I learned or determined that it would be a good idea to stuff my feelings in to my stomach. I've been doing it for years, and it usually occurs the same way. Something happens that affects me or hurts me, and instead of dealing with it then, I pretend like it didn't happen, or that I wasn't hurt. And I keep pretending - I pretend until one day, my body can't take it any more, and then I cry violent tears and hide in my writing or my books for a couple of days, and then I'm fine. Until the next thing.
You see, last semester I spent nearly every day with two very special, very important people. One of them is spending this semester interning for the New York State Legislature in Albany, NY, and the other is taking the semester off to take care of family. And while they should be doing these things, and I am proud of them and worried for them, I hate them. I hate them because they are all the way across the country, or unreachable via phone, and I can't do anything about it. So I hate them, even though I don't.
I've been pretending that I'm fine for a week or so now, and today I just - hit the breaking point. I don't feel like I can go in to Michelle's office (for complex me-related reasons), and I don't feel like I have anyone else. I ended up talking to a friend, but we disagree on the way to deal with things, so it didn't really help. So instead I caved and called my Dad to come pick me up when I was half-way home on the bus - I just didn't want to be alone any more.
We talked for a while, and it helped. I'm not completely better, but I do feel better now than I did a few hours ago. And I'm promising myself - and putting it in writing - that this won't be happening any more. I will talk about things instead, because I'm tired of feeling like this. So I'm making that change this semester too - be more open when things aren't okay. And stop feeling like people are going to run away from me when I tell them that I'm not okay. Because they aren't. You should meet the people that love me - they are the most amazing people on the planet. And why I haven't felt comfortable opening up to them, well...it's beyond me.
1.18.2010
Day Two - on a roll.
My hetero-lifemate Audrey Anna Miller has started her very own blog to document what she is doing in Albany, and I am gloriously excited. I think the only issue will be whether or not she actually remembers to update it.
Today was Martin Luther King Jr's birthday, and the day we honour him here in the United States, and two things happened. First, we held a celebration on my campus where a number of people gathered to serve in his honour, and second, the Social and Environmental Justice Club on my campus crossed a line. It was an interesting experience.
You see, we learned late last week that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT Team would be training in one of the buildings on our campus - today. Apparently this was some kind of problem. The professors, staff and graduate students whose offices occupy this particular building were asked not to be present today because of the training, and apparently this caused an uproar. The idea was for the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT to use today to be prepared in case of any Virginia Tech-type events on our campus, and some of the students and staff on campus found today to be an inappropriate day because of Martin Luther King's "commitment to nonviolent social change." (In case you missed it - this training had nothing to do with social change.)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't students and staff on campus be happy that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT wants to be prepared in case of an emergency? Our campus is small - ten buildings in total, all within what could be considered a three block radius (if we were in the city). It's not like we are on the Pullman campus, where if a shooting were to happen on the West side of campus and you were on the East side, you would be pretty safe - THERE IS ONLY ONE SIDE TO OUR CAMPUS. Bullets go far, thanks for noticing, and I would prefer that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT be able to navigate our campus and our buildings properly in the event of an emergency.
All of this aside, I respect your right to hold a "Work-In" in the building that you were asked to stay out of today. Do what you want, that's fine. If you don't like it - okay. Here's what I'm not okay with, though - the Social & Environmental Justice Club walking in to our Martin Luther King Jr Event and making this ridiculous non-issue in to an issue. Because here is the thing, everyone. Who was more disruptive to us honouring Dr. King - the SWAT team that most people in the room didn't know or care about, or those of you wandering around handing out slips of paper marked "For Distribution: WSUV Students and Faculty Occupy Building to Protest MLK Day SWAT Training?" IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: I'm pretty sure it is the latter.
Here is what was written on the handout:
We the student and faculty members of the Center for Social and Environmental Justice and Social and Environmental Justice Club on the campus of Washington State University Vancouver are now meeting in our building of work and learning. We are here today as a direct response to the police, sherrif and SWAT training that has been scheduled to occur in our building concurrent with the campus' prescheduled Martin Luther King Day events happening elsewhere on campus. Campus police have "requested" that we vacate the building in order to accomodate this training, ostensibly designed to prepare law enforcement to respond to a Virginia Tech type tragedy. We feel that this training is in direct opposition to the strategies and philosophy of Martin Luther King. We know that if he were here with us today Martin Luther King would challenge the claim that this type of militaristic civil drill is an effective avenue for addressing acts of violence. A far more pragmatic and effective response - and certainly more consonant with MLK's commitment to nonviolent social change would be to invest in a fully funded community mental health care system and to challenge the progressive militarism of civil society in the United States. One of our colleagues with us today is alum of Virginia Tech and completely opposes this training. Our intention is to remain throughout the day in the building to teach, study and reflect on the revolutionary message of peace, justice, and nonviolent avenues for effecting social change.
ARE you serious. First of all, the SWAT team had no plans to disrupt our event, and were just trying to be prepared. Second, if you want to "invest in a fully funded community mental health care system and to challenge the progressive militarism of civil society in the United States" that is fantastic - do that too. But that isn't going to happen tomorrow, and until we are able to get there, let's have our SWAT team ready in case of an emergency, shall we?
Sigh. Let's move to a brighter note. I met a boy today. His name is Dillon, and he is four. He likes coloring, though he prefers markers to crayons, and likes cutting construction paper in to tiny pieces that I have to pick up when he is gone. He lives at the Share House with his two sisters and his parents, and he is precocious. Loved hanging with him.
I suppose I should really get on that homework. I do have class tomorrow.
Today was Martin Luther King Jr's birthday, and the day we honour him here in the United States, and two things happened. First, we held a celebration on my campus where a number of people gathered to serve in his honour, and second, the Social and Environmental Justice Club on my campus crossed a line. It was an interesting experience.
You see, we learned late last week that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT Team would be training in one of the buildings on our campus - today. Apparently this was some kind of problem. The professors, staff and graduate students whose offices occupy this particular building were asked not to be present today because of the training, and apparently this caused an uproar. The idea was for the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT to use today to be prepared in case of any Virginia Tech-type events on our campus, and some of the students and staff on campus found today to be an inappropriate day because of Martin Luther King's "commitment to nonviolent social change." (In case you missed it - this training had nothing to do with social change.)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't students and staff on campus be happy that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT wants to be prepared in case of an emergency? Our campus is small - ten buildings in total, all within what could be considered a three block radius (if we were in the city). It's not like we are on the Pullman campus, where if a shooting were to happen on the West side of campus and you were on the East side, you would be pretty safe - THERE IS ONLY ONE SIDE TO OUR CAMPUS. Bullets go far, thanks for noticing, and I would prefer that the Southwest Washington Regional SWAT be able to navigate our campus and our buildings properly in the event of an emergency.
All of this aside, I respect your right to hold a "Work-In" in the building that you were asked to stay out of today. Do what you want, that's fine. If you don't like it - okay. Here's what I'm not okay with, though - the Social & Environmental Justice Club walking in to our Martin Luther King Jr Event and making this ridiculous non-issue in to an issue. Because here is the thing, everyone. Who was more disruptive to us honouring Dr. King - the SWAT team that most people in the room didn't know or care about, or those of you wandering around handing out slips of paper marked "For Distribution: WSUV Students and Faculty Occupy Building to Protest MLK Day SWAT Training?" IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: I'm pretty sure it is the latter.
Here is what was written on the handout:
We the student and faculty members of the Center for Social and Environmental Justice and Social and Environmental Justice Club on the campus of Washington State University Vancouver are now meeting in our building of work and learning. We are here today as a direct response to the police, sherrif and SWAT training that has been scheduled to occur in our building concurrent with the campus' prescheduled Martin Luther King Day events happening elsewhere on campus. Campus police have "requested" that we vacate the building in order to accomodate this training, ostensibly designed to prepare law enforcement to respond to a Virginia Tech type tragedy. We feel that this training is in direct opposition to the strategies and philosophy of Martin Luther King. We know that if he were here with us today Martin Luther King would challenge the claim that this type of militaristic civil drill is an effective avenue for addressing acts of violence. A far more pragmatic and effective response - and certainly more consonant with MLK's commitment to nonviolent social change would be to invest in a fully funded community mental health care system and to challenge the progressive militarism of civil society in the United States. One of our colleagues with us today is alum of Virginia Tech and completely opposes this training. Our intention is to remain throughout the day in the building to teach, study and reflect on the revolutionary message of peace, justice, and nonviolent avenues for effecting social change.
ARE you serious. First of all, the SWAT team had no plans to disrupt our event, and were just trying to be prepared. Second, if you want to "invest in a fully funded community mental health care system and to challenge the progressive militarism of civil society in the United States" that is fantastic - do that too. But that isn't going to happen tomorrow, and until we are able to get there, let's have our SWAT team ready in case of an emergency, shall we?
Sigh. Let's move to a brighter note. I met a boy today. His name is Dillon, and he is four. He likes coloring, though he prefers markers to crayons, and likes cutting construction paper in to tiny pieces that I have to pick up when he is gone. He lives at the Share House with his two sisters and his parents, and he is precocious. Loved hanging with him.
I suppose I should really get on that homework. I do have class tomorrow.
1.17.2010
Today Begins My Daily Blogging.
A friend reminded me on Thursday that the best way to clear your head and get through busy times is to write things down. In honor of this, I'm going to try my very hardest to blog every day. I'm already doing a photo project where I take a picture each day to document my year; I might as well write to go with it. (For interested parties, the link to my photo blog is on the right hand side of the page, under "365 Days of Photography.")
Earlier today, while watching Julie & Julia, I thought that maybe I needed a goal. A tangible one. I mean, I have "Get good grades," "don't screw up your internship," and "don't waste time," but I thought that I should have something tangible. Finish something, write a novel; keep a blog - I didn't know, but I was damn sure I needed one.
And then I realized that those goals are probably enough. That maybe it was enough to work on bringing my GPA up to a 2.75, and to make sure that I made it through the Student Affairs Internship without embarrassing myself - maybe they are enough.
I've always expected too much of myself. "Too much" might be the wrong phrase. I have high standards for myself, and when I don't meet those standards I feel as if I have failed. And yet, most of the time there really is success in there somewhere. I don't want to lower my standards - I appreciate that in most aspects of my life my standards are high. I just wish I could learn to see the successes when I get to the end and haven't reached that highest of standards.
I decided to think about this semester and my current goals before trying to set a new one. So, in honor of full disclosure:
- Classes:
- Succeed (and by this I mean get at least a 'C,' if not much higher) in "Leadership Skills for the Public Sector," a Political Science class that I took my first semester at WSU-Vancouver and had to drop out of;
- Bring my GPA up to a 2.75 so that I can be certified as a Public Affairs Major;
- Be proud of each and every paper that I write (and there are a number of them).
- Internship:
- Be ahead of the game. This means:
- Be finished with the readings each member of the SA Management Team has given me before I go in to their office;
- Have questions prepared for each interview that I do.
- Plan my time accordingly, particularly when it comes to Recruitment and Retention programs that I will be involved in;
- Ask for help
- Remember that this in an internship and it is okay to still be learning;
- Remember that, though I am learning, I am working with professionals, and asking for help is better than wasting their time.
- Student Government:
- Fulfill my job duties:
- Three office hours a week;
- Senate meeting minutes mailed out on time;
- Sponsor bills and by-law amendments.
- Attend one ASWSUV Event per month.
- The ONE Campaign
- Event focused on Women in Poverty;
- Finish out the year strong with the Campus Challenge.
- Campaigning
- Properly delegate to my team;
- Make sure the candidates communicate exactly what they want to the Student Body;
- WIN.
On top of all of this, I don't think I could take another goal. It's good for me to recognize this, though my inner overachiever is telling me to take on one more thing. I won't though, except for this:
- Remembrance:
- One photograph a day
- One line a day in the "One Line A Day" Journal I received from Michelle for Christmas
- One blog per day
- One letter to Audrey per week
These items of remembrance will help me to document this semester, and my life - I'm tired of not remembering the good things and only focusing on the bad. It has hindered my growth as an adult, and I'm ready to let myself grow.
Hopefully I will finally be able to use this blog the way that I wanted to - as a way for me to look back on my time at WSU-Vancouver and as a young adult and see that I have succeeded - even if I missed one or two of the "high standard" goals.
1.07.2010
New Beginnings.
It has been months since I've posted here. My semester turned in to the craziest three months of my life, and also the most amazing. I'm now just a few days away from a Spring Semester that holds an internship specifically designed for me, as well as four classes I'm so thrilled to take that I can barely contain myself.
Sometime in November, I sat at one of my coffee dates with Michelle and she said to me that she wanted to see me get involved in Student Affairs. Technically, this is where her job lies - she is the Office of Student Involvement Manager on our campus, and her boss is the Vice-Chancellor of Student Affairs. I hesitated at first, for Student Affairs had never really been on my radar, but I realized (after a weekend in Powell's Books reading books about student affairs and thinking) that the things I am most passionate about: getting students involved, making sure other people feel like they fit in, wanting to see the apathy of my generation go away; all of these things fit pretty well in Student Affairs. So I sat down with Michelle and we designed an internship to get me to learn more about Student Affairs.
In all honesty, I'm both excited and terrified (isn't that always how it is?). I'm really interested in learning more about Student Affairs as a career, but I'm afraid that my tendency to over-commit is going to hurt me a lot. Mostly, I'm afraid that I will let Michelle down, and I don't think that I could live with myself if that were to happen. The more I think about it, the more scared I get, so I try not to think about it, but the fear is still there.
Also happening this semester, besides my very first Creative Writing course ever, which I am incredibly excited for, is me figuring out what happens next. Technically, I could graduate in May. All I would have to do is fill out the paperwork - but I'm not ready. I'm not satisfied with the degree that I would be getting, and I don't feel like my time at my university is done, so I'll be working this semester on what that means. I think I've got an idea of what it means, but I'm not completely sure yet.
All in all, the entire semester is going to be full of new starts. The student government election also happens, and as campaign manager for the best ticket out there, there will be a lot going on in my life. Hopefully, come May, I'll be as satisfied with this semester as I am with the last one.
Sometime in November, I sat at one of my coffee dates with Michelle and she said to me that she wanted to see me get involved in Student Affairs. Technically, this is where her job lies - she is the Office of Student Involvement Manager on our campus, and her boss is the Vice-Chancellor of Student Affairs. I hesitated at first, for Student Affairs had never really been on my radar, but I realized (after a weekend in Powell's Books reading books about student affairs and thinking) that the things I am most passionate about: getting students involved, making sure other people feel like they fit in, wanting to see the apathy of my generation go away; all of these things fit pretty well in Student Affairs. So I sat down with Michelle and we designed an internship to get me to learn more about Student Affairs.
In all honesty, I'm both excited and terrified (isn't that always how it is?). I'm really interested in learning more about Student Affairs as a career, but I'm afraid that my tendency to over-commit is going to hurt me a lot. Mostly, I'm afraid that I will let Michelle down, and I don't think that I could live with myself if that were to happen. The more I think about it, the more scared I get, so I try not to think about it, but the fear is still there.
Also happening this semester, besides my very first Creative Writing course ever, which I am incredibly excited for, is me figuring out what happens next. Technically, I could graduate in May. All I would have to do is fill out the paperwork - but I'm not ready. I'm not satisfied with the degree that I would be getting, and I don't feel like my time at my university is done, so I'll be working this semester on what that means. I think I've got an idea of what it means, but I'm not completely sure yet.
All in all, the entire semester is going to be full of new starts. The student government election also happens, and as campaign manager for the best ticket out there, there will be a lot going on in my life. Hopefully, come May, I'll be as satisfied with this semester as I am with the last one.
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